My Missing Umphf

I seem to have misplaced my umphf. I lost it sometime last week, and I spent most of my time wondering where it went. I think it wandered away while I was reading The Book of Artix Wolfe. It's a great read--if I'd known that I probably wouldn't have started it at that moment in my life, because the book had me so enthralled that I wasn't paying attention to my umphf. Off it skittered, so when the book was finished and it was time to get back to work, my umphf wasn't there to help me get off the couch. Then, just when I thought I would finally get it back, I had a bunch of interruptions, and away my umphf went again. It's been a horrible week without it. I think I've found it at last, but my umphf is really going to have to work double time to make up for all the workload that's piled up.

My umphf has certain likes and dislikes. It likes regular mealtimes and a regular sleep pattern, so as long as I eat well three times a day and go to bed and wake up at regular times, my umphf usually remains a tamed beast. It dislikes heat, so when the temperature rises my umphf get quite unruly. It likes getting things done, but it gets overwhelmed if there's too much work for too long, and then my umphf resembles a rebellious teenager. At some point, it turns on the music far too loud, slams the door, and starts head-banging while I pound on the wall and demand that it comes out.

To sum it all up, my umphf needs balance. When the balance goes, so does my umphf. No day trips, either. My umphf goes on a week-long all expenses paid trip without me.

I'm going to get to work now before my umphf skips town again.